Yes, it is that time of year again. For all you golfers out there, this is a time filled with joy and anticipation of long days spent hitting the links and hanging with your friends. For all your wives and girlfriends, better known as golf widows, it is the time of year we dread the most. Don't get me wrong, we want to be happy for you, we really do. But along with your new found freedom and happiness comes our misery and servitude.
Imagine if you will for a moment that once a week (or more), we were to leave you with all your kids for say, five hours or more. During which time us ladies would be enjoying the beautiful outdoors with our friends, having a great time and thinking nothing of you and the family. Keep in mind that I am completely unreachable by text or phone. While back at home, you would be feeding, dressing, cleaning and entertaining the insubordinate mob that seems to subscribe to Lord of the Flies order of things. There would be dishes to wash, laundry to get done and all the while a snotty, crying little person would be hanging off your leg cause his brother wouldn't let him play the violent, rated M video game he shouldn't be playing anyway. And this is just the first 20 minutes. And then, just when you think you have had as much as you can take, and you start to get excited because my car pulls in the driveway, I walk in, ask what's for dinner and proclaim how tired I am. I then immediately head for the couch, lay down and fall asleep. Welcome to our world from April til November. I am not complaining mind you, just telling you like it is. No wonder we are crabby.
Now I am not suggesting that you golfers quit, because I know that would never happen (and that most of you actually need golf to breath). So I have put together a couple tips that all you golfers out there should follow during golf season to ensure marital bliss in your household:
1. Thank your wife (a lot) for understanding your need to play golf. Thank her the morning before you leave, thank her when you get home. And if you can throw in a quick text on the 10th tee thanking her, that would be phenomenal! Helpful Hint: Flowers bought on the way home from your round of golf are a great way to say thank you and show her you were thinking about her.
2. Tag, You're It! Your wife has just been "it" for the past five hours. She is very tired and is completely done chasing after everyone and answering each little demand. When you walk in the door, you are now "it." Give her some time off so she can regain her sanity. She might want to go shopping, she might want to crawl into her bed, or she might want to slip into a bubble bath with a glass of wine. But whatever she wants to do, I can guarantee it will be kid free. And you must tell the kids that daddy is now in charge cause saying, "but honey, the kids wanted you" is not allowed. They wanted you too just as you were about to chip onto the 8th green, but I didn't drop them off...
3. Dinner is on you. One of the most wonderful things you can do after a day of golf is be in charge of dinner. You have many options here. You can take the family out. You can grab some take-out on your way home (your wife's favorite of course) or you can even cook. But I guarantee your wife will forget all about her long, miserable day (well maybe) if you take on dinner that night.
4. Encourage "me" time for your wife. Thank her again for letting you do what you love to do, play golf. And then encourage her to do something she loves to do that is all about her. Most important here is to really mean it. When she heads out to yoga on a Wednesday night and you are on bedtime duty, you are not allowed to complain or even utter a single sigh. Tell her to have fun and even do the dishes for her. Do not call her, do not text her unless the house is on fire or someone is in the hospital. The more time she gets to enjoy doing what she likes, the more golf you will get to play.
5. Help out more when you are home. This seems fairly obvious to us wives, but for all you guys out there - pay attention. When you are home, be engaged. Ask your wife if she needs help, play with your kids. We know you are tired after a long day of work, but we are tired too. The quicker the crappy stuff gets done, the more quality, fun time we can all spend together. The more fun we have together, the more I like you. The more I like you, the more golf you get to play. It really is that simple!
As we head into another spring weekend, I wish all of you golfers out there a birdie or two on your next round. Play your cards right and your wife might even be waiting at home for you to celebrate your best round of golf ever. And good luck to all you golf widows out there, may you survive another season!