Friday, March 6, 2009

Our love hate relationship with our husbands

The other day I came across an article in Parenting Magazine entitled "Mad at Dad, We love our husbands -- so why are we so angry at them, so often?" So I sat there and read the 3 page article with bated breath looking for some answers. The article was right on, at least for me. I love my husband a lot and he is my best friend. (Although from time to time I have to remind myself that a female best friend is far different than a male best friend with whom you share a bathroom, kitchen, kids, etc. - more on that later). However, I find myself angry with him a lot and I was hoping this article would help.

The article touched on the topics of housework, parenting, "me time" and all the things we fight about constantly. And while it did make me feel better that I wasn't alone, it didn't offer me any insight into how to stop the anger, aside from "talk to your husband." Seriously?! My problem is that I have talked to my husband until I am blue in the face; that is when the yelling comes in, as if some how the volume level of my voice will actually make him listen.

As women we take on a lot of things, partly by choice (because lets face it, we usually do it better) and partly out of necessity (because if we don't do it, it just wouldn't get done). And as we get older and we have a bigger house, more kids, more activities, more responsibilities at work, it only gets worse. There are a lot of days where I wish that I had a wife cause lets face it, the husband usually gets off easy.

As I read on through stories of women like myself who are upset because they know they married smart, capable men who can make million dollar deals at work but can't figure out how to run the dishwasher, I felt myself getting angry. My husband was sitting next me while I read the article and thought I was stupid for reading an article that was making me mad at him when he hadn't actually done anything. But isn't that always the way; they forget quickly while we are mad and move on. But its not so easy for us - at least not for me. I tend to let the anger build and fester and once a month I let my hormones take over. And while my husband chaulks it up to PMS, I try to explain that I am angry for a reason, but maybe just more verbal about it today. Its not usually just one thing. If he just left the dirty dish on the counter right above the dishwasher I might over look it. But add that with the dirty laundry on the floor, the empty cup in the living room, the time spent playing hockey, and don't get me started on golf temperature starts to rise.

My husband did take the time to tell me the other day that he appreciates everything I do for our family and he loves me very much. I know I am lucky that he gets it from time to time. But honestly, I would rather never hear those words and have him clean the kitchen without having to be asked. So the question arises - why the hell are most men like this? Is it in their DNA, do they take some kind of class along the way? Has society told them that they don't need to learn these skills? Did their mothers ruin them for us? And I have to admit that with my four boys I do tend to take care of them a little too much cause quite honestly its easier than fighting with I guess I am part of the problem.

So my ultimate question is how do we stop being so angry and how do we get our men to help out more? I guess at the end of the day, the article didn't offer any solutions because if there were any, there wouldn't be an article (hope you follow that logic). I know I love my husband and at the end of the day I am lucky. He does make me laugh, he is a great dad and from time to time he realizes how much I do for our family. But I still say that I should leave him to fend for himself from a Tuesday to Thursday, driving the kids all over creation, doing laundry, cooking, and trying to work while I go to the spa - anyone want to join me?

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