Wednesday, April 7, 2010

My thoughts on moving forward...

Every day I hear more about Tiger Woods and Sandra Bullock. People talk about what they are doing, what they should be doing and what news broke this morning. I would first caution everyone that maybe 10% of what you hear is actually true, and even that might be a stretch. But moving on from there, I have a couple thoughts regarding life, relationships and moving on that I would like to share. (Take it for what its worth as my opinion, but if it helps you or makes you consider things in your life, than I am glad to have helped)

(Standing on my soapbox)

First, we are all human and we all make mistakes. Of course, some people make really big mistakes and sometimes they make them more than once. Aside from going back in time, we must all move on one way or another once we recognize the mistake. If we are the one who made the mistake, and, in turn, hurt someone we love, then we must accept responsibility and try to make amends. Usually amends means going through the painful process of admitting our faults and changing. I caution you that change is not easy, and for some admitting we are wrong is even harder. Therefore, please be absolutely certain that this is the path you want to take because there is no turning back. If you do not follow through, you will most certainly lose whatever it is you are trying to hold on. And in the process, hurt them even more. But if you are honest with yourself and really put in the work to get it done, then good for you - I hope it works out. If the reason you did what you did was because you are someplace in your life (or with someone) that you don't want to be, then that is what you need to change. Again, you need to brutally honest with yourself and anyone else involved. Sometimes honestly hurts, but no doubt dishonestly put you where you are now so that obviously doesn't work. On a side note, if your actions are hurting someone you love then you need to change them - even if you think they aren't a big deal. What matters is that they are a big deal to this person. If this person is important to you, than how they feel needs to be just as important. If it isn't, then you have a much bigger problem....

If you are the person who wound up on the wrong end of the mistake, than you have 2 choices as I see it. You can decide to move on. No one will blame you. You have probably been lied to and may have a hard time trusting this person. This will be a hard decision, but sometimes it is the only route to go. Your second choice is to stick it out and make it work. Sometimes this is the harder decision. I once read an article about marriage that said if you had been cheated on, you can either choose to leave or you can choose to say and work on it. But if you decide to stay you will need to work to move past it and stop bringing it up all the time because the marriage cannot work on those terms. If you have decided to stay, and the other person has held up their promises, then you need to hold up yours. If you continue to try to hurt that person because they hurt you, then neither of you will ever be happy. Remember how it felt when you found out about their mistake? Do you honestly want this person to feel that way? If you answer is no, you have a chance and you must remind yourself of that every day. If your answer is yes then I suggest you refer to option 1 cause it ain't going to work that way.

People will have a lot of advice on what they think you should do, but only you know how you can move on, alone or together. Both require commitment. Commitment is a hard thing, its like a promise you make over and over again. Good luck on your journey and remember that we do not go through life alone and our actions almost always affect others...

Sidebar: If you are the "other" person, please stop looking for sympathy. You knew what you were getting when you signed up and no one feels bad for you. And please don't hire a lawyer, what the f**k is that all about. It is clearly time to move on.

1 comment:

  1. I agree that we all make mistakes and through that mistakes, we come to the point wherein we realize that there are many things that we can do to make the mistakes right.