Saturday, September 6, 2014

Before I Turn 40, 330 Days and Counting

As I sit here, 39 years old, leaving New York city on the train, I am in deep thought about who I am, who I want to be and what is important to me. I am not really that concerned with age and aside from the wrinkles and gray hair, I have no problem getting older. Age for me has brought clarity. The last couple of years I have decided that less is more for most things like material possessions, people that don't feed my soul and everything unhealthy. Once I removed those place holders from my life, I have found that I have so much more room for the things that matter to me like hugs and kisses, joy of time spent with loved ones and moments of happiness. And don't get me started on drama - I try to stay as far away from that as possible.

I spent the night in NYC visiting a friend and it was wonderful. Not because I was in the city that never sleeps, but because I was with one of my closest friends. We have been friends since sixth grade and while we don't get to see each very often, we pick up right where we left off every time. And while our lives have changed considerably since we graduated high school and have taken very different paths, we have both stayed true to who we are. Our friendship is proof that true love and soul mates can come in many forms.

I looked around the city as we rushed from place to place and I realized that I wanted exactly the opposite of what it all stood for. I know that many people have a love affair with New York City, my friend included, so this isn't personal against you if you do. But for me, I want simple and open and fresh. I want less stuff and less people trying to sell me stuff. And while you can live simply in the city, it sure isn't cheap. And as 40 looms around the corner, I want a life that isn't ruled by how much money I make or have, but more about how much time I have to enjoy my moments that are free. I want to play on the beach with my six year old or spend rare moments in deep conversations with my fourteen year old or quiet moments doing nothing much with my husband.

I will admit that I dream of living off the grid, being self-sustaining and adore the idea of a tiny house. But let's get real. The idea of living with a my six and fourteen year old in a 400 square foot home makes me want to stick a fork in my eye, plus I really do adore my home. And while homesteading is a huge dream of mine, I barely have time or energy to keep my one flower plant alive never mind grow a garden big enough to feed my family on. And so my goal for the next 330 days is to enjoy my moments more, focus on experiences over stuff and a live a simple, happy, healthy and meaningful life.

Disclaimer: I will still love you if my perfect life isn't right for you. I will not judge you, look down on you or gossip about you if you live a big, crazy, extravagant life full of shopping and junk food. As long as you are happy and true to yourself then go for it. And don't get me wrong, I used to love to shop, drink Coke and eat Doritos, but the older I get the less fulfilling those things are for me and so I decided to look elsewhere. But I definitely still look back with nostalgia.

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